falling

You know what absolutely no one talks about?

Life.

I mean, I guess it is pretty hard to talk about considering everyone has different experiences and stories. But here’s the deal, no one, and I mean no one, talks about this awkward stage between college and real life.

Every single (new) alumni that I’ve spoken to feels lost. Whether or not they have a job already, whether or not they're on their own financially, whether or not they got all A’s or failed some of their classes. Everyone is lost.

I swear it’s because professors, parents, and mentors, at the end of our careers as students, forgot to tell us what it’s like to start from the beginning. I’ve been meeting with a lot of people who are where I’d like to be professionally one day and I’ve been asking them all how they started. What was their first job out of college? Is it wrong to turn down your first job offer if it’s not the right fit? How do I know that I’m good enough to go into the career path that I’ve been studying for the past four years?

How do we do life?

Sure, these are broad questions, but, speaking for myself, I kind of feel like I’ve been pushed off an extremely large cliff and I’m still falling. Graduation wasn’t a walk across a stage, it was a push off a cliff. I don’t think I’ll stop falling until I find my first job, am financially stable and am just doing it. I might not even recognize when I stop falling, but I’m sure it can’t be too far away. Right? Right?

Right?

In the meantime, I’m spending time with family and diligently searching for a job. I constantly keep reminding myself that I can do this and everything will be ok.

goodbye and good luck

Woah. I have one college class left in my entire career as an undergraduate student. One. 

How did this happen? I remember moving into my dorm room like it was quite literally yesterday. 

I remember calling my mom the next day crying because I was homesick. I remember the first time I ate alone in the dining hall, I remember the first time I dropped my tray in the middle of the dining hall, I remember belly laughs in the dining hall with friends that I had just made. 

College has been a whirlwind. It has been the fastest four years of my life. I don’t want to speak too soon since I’m still decently young, but it’s been the best four years of my life. 

I would love to write a post about all the things I’ve learned while I’ve been in college but I feel like it would turn into more of a novel. If I had to write my top three biggest lessons though they’d be as followed: 

1. Be kind to everyone. That random kid in your required math class could be the son of the CEO who you want to work for. College has this weird way of bringing the right people to you so be nice to everyone because you never really know who anyone is. 

2. Enjoy every little moment. People always say that college flies by but you’ll never believe them until it’s the last week and you only have one class left and you don’t know what you’re going to do for the rest of your life. The little random spontaneous moments are the ones that you’re going to remember the most so live it up. 

3. Do your homework and go to class. It’s easy to forget why you’re actually at school, but in case you forgot, it’s to learn. We’ll never have this amazing opportunity to fill our minds with whatever we want to learn about. 

I feel like every time someone from class says “goodbye and good luck” I could burst into tears. Moving on is hard, but it’s also so extremely exciting.

Thanks for reading.
xox
Chloe 

the little things

I saw this quote yesterday that stated, “What is the smallest thing that you are grateful for today?” 

And then I had an epiphany. 

via

Well, not the kind of epiphany that Homer has in the Simpson’s Movie (the best cinematic scene of all time, in my humble opinion), but literally something five notches below that on a scale from average to Homer Simpson’s epiphany. 

I think we all try to make the most of our days. We feel most productive when we’re doing more, finishing more projects, working out more minutes, eating healthier. Whatever. The more we do in a day the more we feel accomplished. At least I do. But the more I do in the day the less I have time to focus on the little things. Sometimes these little things are the most important.

Brace yourself because I’m about to get as cheesy as the literal cheese aisle in your local grocery store. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

But after I read that quote yesterday, I started noticing the little things. 

I realized how good my canned chili was. 
I noticed how awesome my co-workers are and our relationship is. 
I remembered that my laptop still works even though there were a few hours last semester that it wouldn’t work after I spilled water all over it. 
I realized how lucky I am to watch the sunset on my way home from work. 

Sure, it’s important to get shit done, but it’s also important to recognize the little things during your day and how grateful I am for them. Those little moments, when noticed, can add up and make you feel so warm and fuzzy and happy and lucky and alive. (heh, there’s the cheese I warned you about)

Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day filled with little moments of gratefulness. 

xo
Chloe 

a little nervous, but all will be ok

Lately, I’ve been struggling with anxiety of the future. For my entire life, up until this point, I haven’t had to question what the future would hold. I knew that fifth grade came after fourth. I knew that high school would definitely come after middle. I knew that once I got into college that I would be there for the next four years. But as my senior year is coming to an abrupt end, I’m scared. 

I’m scared I’m going to graduate without a job. I’m scared that I’ll have to depend on my parents longer than I should. I’m scared that I won’t know where to live. Honestly, being scared of so many things is making me scared that I’m losing myself. I’m usually a person that goes with the flow, that doesn’t really think too much about the future, that knows that things will work out. And right now, I’m not that person… and I hate it. 

I was talking to one of my favorite professors the other day about all these thoughts that I’d been having lately and he said, “Chloe, I know it sucks, but people like you are the ones that are going to end up being ok, because being scared is what drives you to succeed.”

And then I took a deep breath. And now I’m less nervous. Still nervous 1000%, but definitely less. I have no idea where I’ll be five months from today, but I just have to keep reminding myself that that is exactly what life is all about — figuring it out as you go. 

thanks for reading
xox
chloe

dear god, it's me, chloe

In my typography class, we had critiques on a recent project that we just completed. The project was actually showcased in one of our town’s museums which was an amazing experience. You could say I’m a ~real~ artist now. Just kidding. 

But anyways, during our critique one of the girls in my class stood up and shared a story about her piece. On her piece she had tidbits of negative pieces from her journal throughout her years on Earth. 

I thought the fact that she chose only the negative lines to be fascinating ,and then I started thinking about myself. When I was home over Thanksgiving break I found one of my old “diaries” that literally contained three written pages of the 200 pages it was as a whole. These three pages that I actually wrote were negative things that happened during my senior year of high school. Mostly about boys. I found it super interesting that I only took the time to write something when it was negative. Do you think we (I) don’t write positive things in our (my) lives because we’d rather feel them again, and by writing them down we think it won’t? Or do we mostly write negative things to help us mentally understand what makes them negative? Or to look back on and realize how far we’ve come? 

I think there’s something enchanting about finding raw writings from the past. I always say I’m going to write in a journal but I can never manage to keep writing longer than for what seems like  three days. I’ve been in a little mental funk for the past few days and I know the feelings will pass, but as a creature of habit I am sharing that I’m having these negative feelings / perceptions because they too will pass with time.

Also, here are a few pictures of my art installation if you’re interested. 

thanks for reading
xox
chloe

inspired

Do you ever get so inspired that you feel like you’re walking on a cloud? Like some weird air of confidence is surrounding you? Well, today it happened to me. I’m not sure how long it’ll last, but I feel my creative juices flowing. I’m excited about applying for jobs, I’m motivated to make my homework the best it can be. I’m just pumped. 

This mood was kickstarted by a coffee date I had this morning with my cousin. Well he’s my mom’s cousin, so I guess that makes him my second cousin, but regardless, we’re some kind of cousin. His name is Andy and he’s been in the business that I want to go into for about 20 years. He knows what he’s talking about, his work is extremely impressive, and I really trust his opinion. We sat down for a few hours and talked about my work, my life, my thoughts on the future, and he simply left me feeling inspired. I think there’s something extremely important about sitting down with someone you respect in your field and just gaining insight from their history and path. I know this wasn’t quite a “networking” meeting considering we’re family, but I think if you’re nervous about the whole “networking” idea, push yourself to move outside your comfort zone and just go to coffee with someone you respect. You’ll leave feeling inspired, I promise. 

thanks for reading
chloe